Talk is Cheap

So I have been telling you guys that I have changed..when in reality I look back at it and I haven't and I am sorry for lying to you guys. I was just reading a blog that one of my old close friends wrote and it made me realize that I am the same person I have always been.. I am selfish I am dramatic, I haven't "changed" but I am "changing". Change isn't really the word for it either. I am growing up. I was just watching the movie 17 Again, and it made me realize that your high school social standing doesn't matter like it seems to while you are actually in high school. While your young everything seems like the end of the world, (i.e. one of your friends deletes you on facebook, your boyfriend cheats on you, or even worse, your boyfriend cheats on you with your friend and they both delete you on facebook without a single word.) Guys, all of that bull is well BULL. It's worthless and when you graduate and need to get into college they aren't going to ask you who you dated or how many friends you had.. they are going to look at the grades you let slip while you were worrying about your boyfriend and ex-friend. Don't you see? The stress you put on yourself with material things replaces the stress that you NEED to be putting on yourself to succeed. That's what you need to worry about, that's what you need to be thinking about when your in class, you need to pay attention to what the teacher says, and not dwell on "oh man..he cheated on me..what now?" WHAT NOW is that you have one less distraction, so embrace it! I have recently vowed not to date until after my high school graduation, and if I had a penny for everytime someone told me I was crazy..well honey I wouldn't need to go to college anymore. The pressure to date is so intense, but I am overcoming it. Like I said, one less distraction. I want to go places in life, and let's face it, my high school boyfriend can't get me there. I won't lie..I do sometimes lay awake at night and wish I had someone to tell me the care about me and that I am beautiful, but that's how girls are..that's how we think and feel. But you don't have to have it. I am still alive right? School starts in a week and a half. I will study my butt off and make the grades I need to so I can raise my GPA.

I had to leave to go to the store and lost my train of though..if you read this far, you are probab;y bored..and reading back, I kind of got off track from my original thought, I just wanted to let yall know that I don't believe I have changed.. I am in the process of growing up, and I mean I am only 15 so I have time. I had been trying to grow up too fast because I thought it was the only way but when you are a teenager, you want to enjoy being a teenager. I love being me and I don't want to change really. Yes I wan't to be a little more controlled when I get upset and I always want to know the right thing to do, but to do that you have to be upset to know how to handle that and you have to be in a situation to understand what to do.. you can ask for help and if you surround yourself with people that care, they'll give you advice.. but no advice in the world can help you if you don't understand what's best for you to do in whatever situation you are in. You can ask for advice from your mom about a boy and then ask your aunt and she will tell you something completely different..they may have gone through similliar situations but they are different people and you are different from them so you might have to handle the situation different..okay so way off track again.. this is kind of how my mind works and I am working on writing things down, so why not right them on my blog. I promise that most of my writings will be more structured..and I am still learning but right now I am about to watch Nacho Libre so I must end this endless rambling I call my mind.

[[and if you read this far, thank you.]]

Click on people's faces in the photo to tag them.

I call this piece, catastrophe.